Sunday, March 20, 2011


When I look back over recent years...I know God has been working to help me with waiting on Him...and yet...the waiting is still very, very hard! I sincerely wish that just knowing that He is in control...and has a plan...and His timing is perfect, would take away this struggle with letting it go and waiting.  I heard of a couple yesterday who applied in February (the year they started out) for a Foster care license...and because they were able to complete all of the requirements pretty quickly, they were not only approved for foster care quickly, but had their first placement in April of that year...and that placement is a beautiful little boy who was about 10 months old, and,  who's mommy was pregnant with another child...the girl was placed with them shortly after birth...and about 10 months after they had first applied, they had the two children in their home. They eventually adopted them both. I'm guessing they did not have five pets who needed to be brought up to date on vaccines(we don't get every vaccine that is out there, as we don't believe it is good for the, they get the basics...but, there are some things that are required for licensing if you have pets. So, off to the vets office we will go!) and I'm guessing they didn't need to plan to have a window installed in the basement...they didn't have four people to get fingerprinted or have tb shots done, or get immunization records for...simpler. I'm guessing it was simpler for them...BUT, I know that if God wanted it to go more quickly and be simpler for our family, it would be. Period. I know in my heart of hearts that if He is taking longer, it's because it's not time matter what time I would like it to be!LOL! SO, as I said...I wish that knowing all of that meant that I could just quit thinking about it and let it go and live my life today as if there were nothing else going on...pray for me there...

We are making progress...I have to remember that, too...we completed our PRIDE training classes this weekend...tomorrow Jeremy and I go in to the doctors office for my physical exam(for the adoption) and tb testing for both Jeremy and I for the foster licensing! Kelly goes in Tuesday am for his physical and tb test...then, Scott and Casey go in for their tb tests during Spring break on April 5th! That is progress! And, this Thursday, we all four go in to have our fingerprints done at the police station...and Friday we will get the necessary documents notarized and mailed off to have the FBI background checks completed(for the adoption piece!) Again...that is progress. We have all of the necessary child proofing equipment...we are getting ready to purchase the fire extinguishers and the 3rd smoke detector...and we have a car seat picked out, if not purchased!LOL! There is a lovely lady in Spokane who has a changing table that she is going to donate(when we get over there to pick it up!) and a booster style high chair...and maybe even a crib, we will see. If not, we have seen several great deals on Craigslist for cribs.  My mother has made 4 quilted table runners for me to sell in the upcoming garage sale(we still need to just pick a date!) and we are getting things together to sell in that fundraising effort to help finish off the remaining costs! We have $600 of the nearly $700 we need to install the egress window. Won't be long and we will have all we need to get that done! (Eventually we will do the second window...but, why wait? They said one is enough, so be it!) This is all progress! (right!?LOL!) So, I need to just breathe...we are doing all we can. 

I think that is the greatest is the sense that I should be *doing* something! That if I were getting it all done it would be going if I could slow it down!   

So, obviously, prayers for the provision and timing of all of the  above...and prayers for calm and assurance of the perfect timing of our we wait on Him!  It will be amazing to watch as it all falls into place...

Friday, March 11, 2011

Sometimes you just have to laugh!

So, about those windows...I have had a lens in my closet for over a year now...I've put it on Craigslist a couple of different times and gotten nothing, not one bite. But, this week, when I put it up with the intent of using the $600 to help cover the cost of windows, I had 5 offers for that lens(full price offers) in 48 hours!!! I actually got to sift through them and figure out who among those buyers really understood the lens and new what they were buying! (I was trying to talk folks who are newer to photography OUT of buying it, because I don't think they always understand the impact of it not having image stabilization, or the fact that the autofocus is not the greatest!  I ended up selling to a gentleman who needs it for videography. What does that mean? It means that he can't use autofocus anyway!(Yay!) and he does not need IS because it would interfere with what he already has to do to stabilize the camera! The perfect person for the lens! Fabulous! It will be SO much fun to watch and see how God provides the other half of what we need to do those windows!

As always, thanks for reading! =) Stay tuned folks...we're moving ahead!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Roller Coaster...

It is amazing how the emotions in this whole experience ebb and flow!  One day remembering that God is bigger and He has it all mapped out is a simple matter...easy! The next, there are so many details and factors involved that it is hard to believe that it could possibly work out!   

I have requested prayer for many different things...the one I haven't really touched is what this feels like. I have my dreams. God has His plans...and there is NO guarantee that the two will blend together...None. So, today is one of those days when I remind myself of Whom I love more...more than me, more than my life, more than any one of His children that He might choose to send our way. I trust Him to do what is best. Does that mean I believe He will do what I want or that it will be easy? Far from it! means I believe He will be right there walking me through it and none of it will be without a reason...I have to lay my dreams down at the foot of the cross and remember that there is not one thing I can do to control this...and if He never gave me another breath, I have already had so much more than I could ever hope to deserve...and then, I need to remember that He loves me. He is generous. He is kind. He has a good plan. 

So, once again...I am reminded of Who has all of this mapped out...Whose child this is and Whose child I He works, what He says in His word about standing and waiting on Him for fact, I remember that day back in September when He told me in no uncertain terms that He is here and He is paying attention to every detail...even the ones that no one else can see...I may not know exactly what He was telling me...not without being presumptuous. Except, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He was telling me how much He loves me...and that He understands me better than I understand myself...some of you may remember it...


It was one of those moments...I have not had many moments quite like this one...but, it was one of those moments when you know He's here...He's in this place, holding your hand...and He touches your face and says “ I love you so much more than you can understand”...

We were in the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist in Spokane, was breathtaking! My lovely niece Trista and I had been here before but we were restricted to photos of the outside of the ran from 11-2pm each was 3:00...for two passionate photographers who are just as passionate about gorgeous buildings, places of God and history and holiness, this had been a tough was I arrived at 11:20 view into this place robbed me of breath...the next hour was spent in what I have come to call “photo seizure”. The light was incredible...the stained glass was so beautiful...the shadows were the end of our visit, I was waiting for an opportunity to take a particular shot of the cathedral from one end, looking towards the pipes of the organ in the back of the cathedral...there were several people milling around...being me, I wanted a shot with no one in it...a silent moment to remember Whom this place was built for...after waiting for several minutes, I decided to let this shot go and we packed up to leave...after we left the building, I turned to photograph a door that had caught my eye on the way in and saw everyone leaving! All of them were walking out the door to their cars across the street...that is when it happened...I had no idea what God was doing or that He was doing anything at all...

I re entered the building and made my way to the front to capture the shot that I had been longing for...a kind gentleman whom we had spoken with upon entering the first time moved quietly across the frame of the photo...he did not see me there...I continued to frame the shot...completely is amazing what music will do to a I stood there, alone, soaking in the powerful sense of history and God's presence...this man, thinking he was alone, sat down at the grand piano and began to play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata........I nearly dropped to the floor right where I was all I could do to back up several feet and drop to the steps at the base of the alter and put my face in my hands...I held my breath for several moments...the music filled the room....the room filled my eyes...the light, the color...the shadow...and the inescapable knowledge that no one else would have known...Only God knew what happened 15 years ago yesterday...or what that song meant to me...fifteen years ago September 24th...that was the day that we lost our baby girl Mikaela Lohelani...that was the day they told me that her heart had stopped beating and she was no more...there was nothing I could do...

When I had first learned I was expecting a daughter, I purchased a cd of the song...all through my pregnancy with her I had listened to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata dreaming of sharing the music with her...I played it wondering, at what point she would be able to hear the sound...wondering if she would share the same passion for music that I held inside...wondering, if like me, she would press her ear to the stereo speaker at 3 years old because she could not get close enough to the music...wanted to be inside of feel it press against her skin and flow inside her lungs...and here I one knew, I had not pointed it out to anyone, not even Kelly...I had just quietly acknowledged it and let it go...fifteen years is a long time...but, today, on the steps of the alter...listening to a live, God ordained, performance of the song of my heart for my daughter...fifteen years disappeared in a moment...and, now, it was mixed with a knowing...and a sense of being known...what I heard today was that eternity is waiting...she is holding her breath...and one day when all of Creation is redeem in an instant...we will see Him...I felt as if God Himself had reached down and stroked my face...wiped away the tears and sat with me on the steps of the alter and listened...all I could do was breathe “Thank You”...

I am holding on to that now...looking back I can see that there was an element of this journey to adoption that picked up speed on those steps in that cathedral...He affirmed the desire that He has placed in my heart...I began to dream and pray in earnest starting right then.  It does me good to write down that keep it in my heart and mind so that I remember that no detail escapes His notice...not one.

Thank you for reading...and Thank you for praying with us! We will just keep taking steps and trusting. 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Current Wishlist/Prayer list

The items we need at this time are:
Two Safe egress Windows for our basement bedroom area so that we have room for the children God is sending our way! (Going to cost around $1600 with us doing most of the labor! This is the major catch in the process right now, we can't go any further in the application process until we have these installed!)  This is an example of what those look like when they are installed(maaaybe not quite this fancy!LOL!)

A convertible crib that can be made into a toddler bed(because we cannot know for sure whom God will send our way first!) We cannot be licensed for the different ages unless we are prepared to take either one at a moments notice! (Must NOT have a drop down side, the state won't allow it!)

A dresser/changing table (very helpful to have it be a changer, too)

A car seat that goes from infant to toddler(Gently used is fine), but still has the base that can stay in the car for easy entrance and exit with a sleeping little one! this goes from 5-32 pounds rear facing!

A swing would be helpful...but, probably not absolutely necessary

Gently used girl clothing from Newborn to 2T. 

Baby toys

A baby wrap like "Moby Wrap"

Very light blankets for swaddling infants...drug addicted infants have to suffer through the symptoms of withdrawal...and will often over heat, on the other hand, swaddling is often the only thing that will provide comfort to their over sensitized systems.   

Here is an example of the kind of blankets we need...They certainly do NOT need to be brand new, or fancy...even blankets made with 100% cottom muslin with no color are fine...we will need a lot of these, as these infants require almost constant swaddling for the first month or so until the worst of the withdrawal process is over...

Hmmm...that's all I can think of right now...We have a crib set (comforter, lamp, sheets, diaper stacker, etc.) and now the Rocking Chair. 

Although, we could certainly make use of a second rocking chair if someone has one they would like to upstairs and one downstairs in the nursery would be perfect! (But, certainly not essential.)

Thanks for looking! And, especially, thanks for keeping us in your prayers! We are working on training in how to care for infants who are addicted and continuing with the process for the adoption home study in the mean time!

This chair...

So, today I saw a rocking chair on Craigslist for $ looked like a lovely old chair, and we will certainly need one to rock babies in while they are wrestling their way through withdrawal after birth...I called up the couple who was selling the chair and lo and behold, they had just gotten home! So, I went to their house to see the chair(and most likely buy it!) and when I got there, we got into a conversation...and guess what? They had fostered 20 years ago!LOL! Of course they had...where else would God send me today? The wife ran to grab a photo of two beautiful young women...both of whom they had adopted through the Foster to Adopt program! And this chair rocked those babies...and in the end, they gave me the chair for $ a cool chair!