So, tonight, I have decided to tell the stories of the day each of our children came home...perhaps it will bring hope to those who are longing for *their* child to arrive...it will definitely show you what lengths God can go to in order to bring the child that He intended for you to raise into your world.
Some of this I have said before...I will try to be more concise this time around.
Years ago, I experienced the loss of a child...she was the daughter I had longed for...lost between my youngest two sons(by birth). I always felt I was meant to be the mama of boys...I took great delight in caring for my guys...but, I still longed for a daughter...and that desire was, at least in part, the impetus for my DH and I adopting(of course, we just plain wanted to have children of our own...together...but, I know that initially DH wanted me to experience my dream come true...little did he know, he would be finding himself in the middle of some pretty wonderful things that he never even let himself dream of having!) ...that desire would not leave me alone...it would not go away. Now, when I look back over the years we have been together...I believe God placed that desire in my heart for a reason...as the means to get us to even look at adoption...in fact, if that had not been true...if we had not both experienced loss in one way or another...we would not have our children today....*these*children...the children made for our hearts...and these are *our* children...in every way. I never would have believed there would come a day that I could say these words...let alone mean them...but, I would not trade either of my children by adoption for the chance to experience carrying my husbands biological child. Why? Because, I know me...if I could have *just* done it myself, I would have missed what a miracle it was!! And, because it all happened the way that it did...there is simply no way for me to miss the miracles here...without them, we would never have experienced raising a family together like this(and, let me just say that, in my experience, blending a family is entirely different than raising your *own* children together. NO two ways about it!)
So, in the end, Kelly thought we would *just* adopt a little girl...for me...because the empty place never filled up...the dream I lost all of those years ago never dissipated. We went about filling out the paperwork, having no idea if we would adopt overseas...or domestically...never occurred to me that we would adopt through the foster care system!! I was convinced that in order to adopt through the system, we had to be willing to take a child 3 years or older...and even that young would be a miracle! What I was dreaming of was a baby...I wanted to raise a child from birth...so, I simply looked away from foster care...and never intended to look back. But, God had other plans...and they most definitely involved foster care! Once I finally realized that He*was* in fact, calling us to the foster care system...I went about filling out the paperwork and we followed the process. We were told time and again that the reality(and it IS the reality, make no mistake!) is that the entire goal of foster care is to get these kids home...and if we got an infant...the child would not stay with us. Either the parent would complete the plan and the child would be reunified...or, a relative would take the child. It was with a heavy heart that I obeyed the call and followed God's lead into all of this...all along, I kept stumbling over reminders that He is the giver of dreams...He is the maker of miracles and not limited by any mans rules or statistics. Still...I was afraid...
When filling out that paperwork, everything we filled out said "Female child 0-2 years old". We marched forward believing that God had a specific child He was calling us to parent...we didn't know if it would be months, or years of foster parenting before we found the child who needed *us*.
Kelly was convinced(sometimes even more than I was) that there was a little girl coming, just for us...little did he know, there was a son out there, too! He had wanted one(what man doesn't) but, never thought he would actually have one..in fact, he was pretty sure he was too old for this nonsense anyway! ;-) Ha...this is where I will insert a recent photo I like to call "Daddy's home!"...
We had one "failed" attempt at taking in a newborn girl...she was being fostered by a friend of ours and seemed like the perfect "fast track to adoption" kind of child...in the end, previous adoptive parents of her siblings surfaced(had been trying to find her, but ran into red tape and the insanity of a case that involved four different counties!)...and we kissed her goodbye. I was stunned...we both were...all I could think about was how *sure* I had been that God was going to give me a newborn daughter! (Never occurred to me, while we had our eyes on her, that He was...but, not her!) That weekend I sat in church next to my hubby and cried silently...longing for the little girl I had already grown *so* attached to(certainty will do that to you...that and four weeks of respite off and on over time...and being over at my friends place helping with her care anytime she wasn't at home with us!) Up front, there was a group of children singing, and signing a song(whew! Unintentional tongue twister!)...and I noticed one of the children...a little hispanic boy, standing off to the side, by himself...he looked shy, I was guessing he did not speak english...but, he was giving everything he had to signing that song right along with the rest of the kids...I was startled to find that the mere sight of him moved me to tears...a different kind of tears. He was so sweet...and so shy...he looked like he felt keenly out of place...and yet, he was giving it all he had! It was one of those moments when you find yourself praying something...and you don't know where the prayer came from, cause it sure wasn't inspired by *your* self will! "Lord...if you have a little boy for us to love...I am open to that. I don't even know why I am praying this...I have been SO sure that You were sending a daughter to our family! But, I am willing, none the less."
The next day...Monday morning, I was in the nursery putting away the baby girl clothing(blankets, etc) that I had used for our first respite girl...straightening things up, and my cell phone rang...it was the placement office...there was a newborn baby boy, just 24 hours old, born exposed to Methamphetamine and Marijuana(what a mix)...and he needed a safe place to live. We had quite a bit of training in handling drug exposed infants(one of the reasons we knew God was leading us into foster care)...I remember thinking "Oh! A boy!" and at the same time, my heart started racing...and I just knew...I knew we should take the placement. So, I called Kelly and asked him what he thought...and he said "Well, then I think we better take him!" Three hours later, our son came into our home and our hearts for the first time...
That summer was primarily consumed with caring for our sweet little boy(he was SO tiny)...we fell SO hard for him...the fit was perfect. It was hard to imagine him ever leaving...but, there were no guarantees he would stay. We went through two different workers that summer...we found out, much later on, that the second worker was the reason we ended up adopting our son! You see, he had older siblings in another foster family...a family who didn't want to take him at birth because they were sure they would lose him(the older sibs had been pulled from their home and moved to their grandparent...later on, the kids were returned to the foster home when the grandparent turned out not to be the safest resource). Apparently, there was an impressive amount of pressure on our caseworker to move our little boy to this other foster family...policy dictated it...but, she went to bat for us, and for our bond with him...she latched on to things like him being unable to go to daycare, etc.(due to sensory issues) and insisted we were the best home for him. We are *forever* grateful to her for that! However, in the moment...we were just plain afraid...we went back and forth between being terrified of losing him...and feeling like maybe we should just ask for him to be moved to try to spare ourselves (and him) the pain of losing the bond, as it was growing stronger ever day. (In reality, the bond happened so early on...there was no escaping it!)
In early November(the 9th, I believe), when Isaiah was nearly four months old, I sat in a meeting where they discussed moving him to this other family. The foster parents of the older siblings didn't seem so keen on it...they are both respected professionals in mental health care and felt that breaking the bond would be damaging to our foster son. But, his birthmother was saying she wanted all of the kids together...and she was going to do everything she could to make it end up that way. It got very intense...and I fell apart in the meeting...I was very embarrassed...but, there was nothing I could do to keep the tears from falling. I left that meeting convinced that we would lose our son, not to reunification(which we knew could have happened) but, to another set of foster parents who didn't even know him and had turned down the placement when he was born! I felt like I was losing the ability to breathe...
It was at that point when I really started to question all God was doing...I had not even gotten into this to adopt a son...but, here he was and I was SO in love with him that I could not imagine my life without him!! Yet we were facing this possible loss of "our boy" to another foster family.
I ended up speaking with the caseworker in the placement office(who had been very supportive and also acted as a foster parent advocate during the meeting)...she sent us an email about a little girl who was 18 months old that was needing an adoptive family...I saw the photos, she was beautiful! I had SO wanted a newborn daughter...but, at this point I was starting to think that nothing I had hoped for was really going to happen here...so, we submitted our home study for her...and I began to pack away the newborn clothing. (Little did we know, our daughter had been born two days prior to that meeting, right there in our city...but, more on that later!) November moved on...and things began to quiet down...our caseworker assured us that she was NOT in the least bit interested in moving Isaiah to the other foster family...she simply wanted the kids to all stay put where they were at that time. We settled back into our routine again...dealing with visits and therapy and appointments. We were not selected as a placement for the beautiful little 18 month old girl...and I was profoundly disappointed...ready to just let go of that dream entirely. As they say...it's always darkest right before the dawn! On November 18, 2011, we got a phone call from the placement office...they had a 10 day old baby girl...she had been placed in another foster home a week prior, but they were "being forced" to disrupt the placement...and we were the next family they thought of!(we found out later on that the day she came into care, the choice was between us and this other family...and they had been waiting longer for a baby girl, so they got her! Obviously, she was meant to come to us...they chose wrong!) The story was that there was a conflict of interest as the foster mom worked in a shelter that the birth mom had stayed in right before she delivered (We know now that was not true...more on that in a future post...sometimes foster parents will make up stories about why they have to disrupt...because they are afraid that if they just say they don't want this child because she screams 20 hours a day(and she did), that they won't ever get another call!)...needless to say, we said YES...and I RAN to the store to buy her a blankey of her own and a few other "essentials" (never mind the bags and bags of clothing I had at home for her!LOL!) I picked her up that evening at 6pm...she was so peaceful...and so sweet. She weighed in at 8 pounds, 6 ounces at birth...and was about there when we got her 10 days later. That night was just amazing...we were stunned...dazed, really...our foster son was just four months old...and now we had a 10 day old foster daughter, too!
(already Daddy's girl! Always perked up when he was holding her!)
(Tired, but happy, Mama!)
The story of her arrival is incredible...we didn't realize at the time just how intricate her path had been...but, her mom and dad were both from another state! In fact, her birthmother had fled from her birthfather, two states away, and landed on the West side of the mountains here in Washington(we live in Central Washington, they were in a train station 4 hours away from us, they could have gone in any direction from there)...only to find the person who was supposed to be meeting her was not going to show up! It all came down to a single telephone conversation, that was apparently overheard by a specific bystander...who, when Zoe's birth mom hung up the phone, offered to call friends she knew in Wenatchee, who might have a safe place for the birth mom to stay! I don't even know exactly how they got her over here...but, that single overheard phone conversation, was the thing God used to bring Zoe to our home...as a result of that phone call, she was born in a hospital 3 minutes up the road from us! Even then...there was a temporary derail when the placement workers chose the other foster family over us...but, it was short lived. In the end...she was meant to be our daughter...and God made sure she found her way into our home and our hearts!
Ok, so I said concise...perhaps this isn't exactly concise, but compared to my usual "novels"...it's pretty short and to the point. Allow me to wrap it up...one year later, on November 17th, 2012...just one day prior to the one year anniversary of our girl coming home, we finalized adoption on BOTH children at our local National Adoption Day celebration!
My one piece of advice would be this...do not decide that you know what God is doing...or how He will accomplish it...trust Him...commit to walking through opened doors...and watch the miracles unfold. The children who are meant to be a part of your family *will* find you! It is only a matter of God's timing...for all you know, right now...your child is being formed...and on the road to your heart.
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Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts! I look forward to reading your perspective! Blessings, Jeanene