I had a ticket to eternity for years and years…I knew I was ‘Saved”…from age 16 to probably age 48…so, 32 years of my life. Sobering thought, really. Because, while I would have said I loved the Lord and I knew the Lord…I was not surrendered. If my life in Christ were an engine, I was stuck in neutral…revving the engine for all I was worth, and getting nowhere. I was just skimming the surface of all that is ours in Christ. And, I was not truly free on any level! I was not living the abundant life He gives to us by any stretch. I was deaf and blind and numb…I was still buried under enormous anxiety and pain and anger…rage really…so much fear. I was still trying to control circumstances around me in a thousand ways every second of every day. I defined myself by what I *thought* others were thinking of me. I was exhausted and angry and sad and lonely and just plain worn out. I managed to love others on occasion…On a good day I was “plugging along”…basically stumbling through.
In this last year He has unveiled SO many of the truths I had heard over and over and over and over and over ad nauseam. You know “my burden is easy and my yoke is light” or “keep your eyes on Him and you can walk on the water and not sink.” Scripture has come ALIVE for me…He has taken everything I thought I knew and turned it upside down! All of the things we are taught by the world from a young age…it turns out the exact opposite is true! It has been uncomfortable and challenging and SO GOOD!
I started to really wake up about 12 months ago. It was gradual…a peeling back of the layers…scales falling from my eyes. I began to learn the truth and the power of declaring that truth over my life and standing on it…I began to see Who I really am in Jesus. I began to experience a wrestling match between my own will vs simply resting in being one spirit with Jesus. That truth is mind blowing in a good way!
Since January, wow! I had begun to pray for passion, and fire, and desire, and the ability to truly LOVE those around me deeply…with my life! I cannot even describe how different my world is now. It’s hard to put into words…but, I’m gonna try…this has been a gradual change, and there is always the rest of the race to run…but, this is what I am aware of now…
I used to be in the dark, I am now in the light. That is the simplest description…I used to live in my head, mulling over a thousand thoughts and ideas(1800 tabs open in the operating system at all times. Always trying to figure it all out), now I live here…in the present moment…eyes on the truth of who He is and WHO I AM in Him! Excited for the future… (I cannot even explain how HUGE that is for a woman who lived for years dreaming of the day it would all be over)!
I used to want people to just go away…now I can see them through His eyes and love them without allowing myself to be exhausted by them.
I used to fight hard to get out of bed every day and hold on(picture grasping at the end of a rope) until I could get back in and just sleep. Now I wake early…genuinely excited to have time to soak in His presence before I walk out the door into all of the moments and have to share Him with everyone else. I know He goes with me…but, I really need that time alone with Him before I have to do life with others…even though I am now in a place of being aware of His presence the entire time. I can’t say I always enjoy sharing!lol I prefer time one on one with Him! I am genuinely disappointed if I don’t have several hours with Him one on one each morning. That blows my mind!
*Please hear me on this…that is NOT ME…that did not start with me! It is not something I generate within myself! That came from asking Him for hunger and passion and then watching Him create it and lead me through it! It is the product of falling madly in love with my Creator! At first it was really uncomfortable! I could not fathom time like that with Him before He showed me how. And it probably looks different for every person. I am just sharing what it looks like for me! I am flat out addicted to time in the presence of my God! I don’t want to live a day without it! But, I did not get from where I was to where I am on my own power! Please hear that loud and clear!
And note...I am not saying things are perfect. I am saying things are BEAUTIFUL! <3
And note...I am not saying things are perfect. I am saying things are BEAUTIFUL! <3
I was hopeless…I am full of hope. I was angry(always)…I am full of peace. I was sad(always), darkness churned inside of me…now I am full of joy and light! I was ungrateful, now I am content. I lost patience with my kids and was perfectly capable of saying things that should never be spoken out loud to another human being. Now, I simply yield to the Spirit…He is a much better parent than I am!
I thought THIS life was all that mattered…but, now I KNOW we have an eternal hope and there will come a day when He truly does make ALL things new. Total renewal. The irony here was I thought this life was IT…but, I didn’t know how to LIVE in it…to actually BE here. That is where the “pedal to the metal and getting nowhere” analogy really comes in. Now that I understand our eternal hope in a new light...we have a Kingdom to walk in NOW...I have been set free to live in THIS moment with abandon! It’s incredible! I cannot even express how grateful I am for all of it!
I rest. I am actively resting in Him all day every day. Which is a dichotomy itself…because it is resting AND it is a battle! I have joy AND I choose joy and fight for it! I still have to steward my mind and choose what I will agree with and focus on…but, at the same time, it is SO much easier than how I used to live before all of this! It’s not my job to try to figure everything out. As I said before…that is equal to sitting with a car in park/neutral and putting the pedal to the floor. Utterly pointless and a waste of resources!
This music video depicts it so well…I went from the limping/numb/mostly darkened/tired walking/stumbling and constantly falling at the beginning of this video to the bright/hopeful/energetic and powerful RUN at the end!
I’m running now and I have no desire to stop! I’m here for the sole purpose of bringing His Kingdom(LOVE) and I am free from striving because none of it depends on me! It starts with Him…it ends with Him…there is no turning back!
And I love the line in this song..."and if the world is listening...this is my confession, You are my obsession!" YES...
I choose joy!
#burntheships
Amen
For King & Country
Count to three and say a prayer
Down for love and up for air
Underwater, overjoyed
Water for a thirsty soul
Water for a thirsty soul
Baptize me into Your love
Oh my spirits overcome
Body, mind, and skin, bone
Love Him, wanna make it known
Love Him, wanna make it known
I'm comin' alive with You
I'm comin' alive with You
I was livin' a lie 'til you
I'm comin' alive with You
All the people say
Amen! Amen!
All the people say
Amen! Amen! Amen!
Yeah!
Resurrection day is here
Bells are ringin' loud and clear
Caterpillar to a butterfly
Risen to another life
Risen to another life
Yeah, I'm comin' alive with You
I'm comin' alive with You
I was livin' a lie 'til you
I'm comin' alive with You
All the people say
Amen! Amen!
All the people say
Amen! Amen! Amen!
Yeah!
Amen!
From death to life (Amen!)
From dark to light (Amen!)
I'm singin' out tonight (Amen! Amen!)
You're in my blood, my veins
In every word I pray
You gave it all for me
I'll give it all for You
Oh, I'm in love with You
Overwhelmed by You
And if the world is listenin'
This is my confession
You are my obsession
(You are my obsession)
All the people say
Amen! Amen!
All the people say
Amen! Amen! Amen!
Yeah
Amen
From death to life (Amen!)
From dark to light (Amen!)
I'm singin' out tonight (Amen! Amen!)
Yeah
