Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Miraculous Mess

Finally...a name that means something to me! There is SO much story to share here...the entire thing was nothing less than a miracle...but, does that mean my life is simple? No...Does it mean I feel like I have it together? Um...NO...not even close...I don't know how I thought I would feel when I got to this point...but, this ain't it!  They are beautiful...incredible...amazing(on a moment by moment basis!) and I feel like a failure at some point pretty much daily...I also feel unspeakable gratitude...



All along, I have believed...assumed, really, that when we got here, I would write about it...share reality...it would have been SO much easier to share it all while it was happening. But, given that we were foster parents through the first year of their lives, that was not possible(confidentiality is a BIG deal in foster care!). Now, I am just tired...my body is giving me fits(thyroid issues, you name it) and I am trying to *be* in each moment that I have with my kiddos...each and every one. When I think of writing about this journey...I think all of the way back to the beginning and it feels completely overwhelming...so, for now...I am praying...is there something God has to say through me? Is there something He wants me to write about?I don't wanna be just one more blog out there...(there are so many!) I wonder what I could possibly say that would make any difference to anyone? Then again... I would imagine telling the world what He did for us...how incredible this all has been...the miracles and the mess...that matters...that could help someone who needs hope in a dark moment. If only I could figure out where to start! My hubby says, "go back to the beginning and write about how you felt!" Wow...um...so, where was the beginning? This journey started long before we ever understood that adoption would be a reality in our lives...long before we knew each other or ever even considered children together. So, yeah...still chewing on that one. I guess I will just try to take the "figuring it out" one day at a time, too...along with everything else!