Confessions of a mom with a noisy brain!

Confession #1. 

 I am *SO* not a soccer mom...never have been..never will be...I am not the mom who is running through the fold up chairs on the side of the field passing out invites to the end of the year team party...and, I can't imagine taking time out of my day to take up a collection, place an order and pick up trophies for everyone X2. I know, I know *gasp*...but, I'm just not.

But, you wanna know what's worse?

Confession #2.  

I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than scrapbook...yes, really! I'm a photographer, so obviously capturing moments and treasuring them is a passion of mine...but, sitting down with bits of cute paper and lacy stuff and (ok, I'm going blank, what else do you use?) and glueing it all down in a book....WOW...um, no. My photos are doing good to get printed and put in a photo box. In fact, I don't remember the last time they actually made it to a box. Which brings me to...

Confession #3.

I am not as organized as I have always thought I should be...but, I'm telling ya, if my house were as bad as my brain...it'd be a whole lot worse! lol In fact, I am not sure if I am a recovering perfectionist...or a very relaxed/lazy person who always felt she *should* be able to do it better, neater, nicer, faster. Ok, and here is as close as I get to truly organized...this just lead me to my next thought!!(wow, two in a row!)

You remember that moment in kindergarten...the one when you first started to look around at everyone elses drawings...and noticed that quite a few of them could stay in the lines...and felt like you probably couldn't it if were going to save your life? Yeah...that's me. Creative, yes...neat, no...I can't even "stay in the lines" painting my house...but, I'm *just* enough of a perfectionist to be driven crazy by that fact in the aftermath...I *am* very visual...so, while I will make the mistakes in the doing...I will struggle to live with them in every day life from then on. A living Pinterest photo I am not.

So...if I'm not those things...who am I? 

Confession #4. 

I'm the mom who wanted children desperately, but spends entirely too much time in her own head...the mom who has to work at entering the moment and engaging with her family actively..every day...the mom who still cries when thinking of all I missed in the lives of my older kids because I was SO focused on my own pain and stuck in my own head that I may as well have been swimming in oatmeal.  

Confession #5.

I'm the mom who has a hard time tracking a single thought through her own head these days...let alone remembering where she was standing the last time she set down her phone(keys, coffee,paperwork...you name it, I am the only person I know who can LOSE something without moving!)...

Confession #6.

I am a mom who is increasingly responding to perfectionistic urges by deliberately doing it imperfectly...and making myself leave it alone(and still being driven crazy by it...)

(note the mattress still under the bed that I was going to take apart and put away after we replaced it with the new one ON the bed...yup, saw this *after* taking the photo...not waiting to redo the dang photo...the mattress stays!lol)



I'm just me...messy...profoundly messy. But, I love with all I am...and I hope that by sharing who I really am, I can let others know it is totally ok to be who *they* truly are...whatever that looks like!